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My Best Friend
Hello Saferide

You call me up in the mornings

We’ll stay on the phone until dawning

You tell me secrets I actually keep

You call me up around noon and

Bring me all the good gossip

You hold my head when I throw up

I hold your hand when you weep

And we talk about friends

And we talk about records

Talk about life

And we’ll talk about death

And we dance in the living room

Dance on the sidewalks, dance in the movies

Dance at the festivals, dance, dance

No men ever really dance like this

Damn! I wish I was a lesbian

Damn! I wish I was a lesbian

Damn! I wish I was, and that you were, too

So I could fall in love with you

You call me up in the evenings

And tell me what they did this time

No matter what, I’m by your side

When it’s raining, we’ll go to the video store

We even like the same movies

No damn jedis or hobbits, this time!

And you laugh at my jokes

And I laugh at your jokes

And I even like the birthday presents you get me

And we dance in the living room

Dance on the sidewalks

Dance in the movies

Dance at the festivals

Let’s dance, dance

No men ever really dance like this

Why don’t I fall?

Why don’t I just fall in love with you?

***

Tim I Wish You Were Born a Girl
Of Montreal

Tim, wish you were born a girl,

So I could've been your boyfriend.

I know it's not possible now.

I just never met a girl I like half as much as you.

And we could lay around in bed, stay there all day,

Or at least until the afternoon

And I could make you spaghetti with tomato sauce

With just a touch of oregano and a parsley stem.

And then when you got sick,

I could take the day off work.

I could've made you chicken soup,

And we could watch soap operas-

oh, those TV dramas!

I could catch your cold

and you could take care of me.

If I could've met you at school, or met you at work,

It would have changed everything.

Those years of losing, confusion and insecurity,

They would have been shared,

they would have been easier.

Tim, wish you were born a girl,

So I could've been your fiancé.

I'm not saying you can't be all these things for me,

But it's just not the same because you're a man,

and so am I.